Google Buzz has been the impetus for this kid to finally troubleshoot how to import this blog over to the gmail account that I am currently using - in other words, the consolidation of my internet life. Not that anyone ever needed explanation or would have noticed the difference, other than the fact that until a few minutes ago, you realized that myyearinindonesia.blogspot.com no longer functioned. I've resurrected the blog to say that subsequent posts can be found at irisinindonesia.blogspot.com (oh and also, should you ever need help troubleshooting all things Google, their help pages are actually pretty helpful). For now, it's essentially the same look and feel of this blog - sorry for the inconvenience, but it makes everything so much easier since I was using an old gmail account...
Going on my third consecutive Valentine’s Day as a single person – and honestly, praise God! Tomorrow is a double whammy holiday: Valentine’s Day and Chinese New Year.Chinese Indonesians are one significant minority group in Indonesia among hundreds of people groups. I don’t know much more than that, other than that the ancestors of some of these families came to Indonesia hundreds of years ago and have been here since.(And as a Filipino American living in Indonesia, I’m afraid I am not familiar with the story of Chinese New Year…eh, it happens). I guess living in Indonesia, this should be a post about Chinese New Year, as I’m sure the celebrations here would be somewhat different than those in the States (I have never experienced either, actually)
I can write on something more universal, which requires no knowledge of Mandarin or Bahasa Indonesia… Someone said to me the other day, “It must be hard for your boyfriend with you here in Indonesia…” I had to smile at her and say, “belum ada,” [literal translation: not yet exist] or ‘there isn’t one yet.’And you know, it’s a blessing to say that because I was reading over my journal from a year ago and was amazed to see how much I was still in mourning over my most recent relationship.I remember when I was thinking about how I would spend holidays, particularly Valentine’s Day.
On Sundays when we set up the Junior Chapel for church, Sam stands back at the mixer and plays this song by Shane & Shane called “Holiday.”It’s upbeat, with the guitars strumming a moderate tempo as a background to two voices harmonizing – fun to listen to early in the morning while placing chairs into rows for Sunday Celebration.I have to admit, I’m not very good with song lyrics if I’m just listening to them so I had to look up the words to “Holiday” yesterday because I had the song in my head and wanted to hear how it actually goes (need I say it was yet another impulse buy on iTunes?)
You are my Holiday / You are right in the middle of me / You are my Hideaway
I’m calling out your name / oh my Holiday/ You make my heart new / and I love You
What it is I’m trying to say / You are my favorite part of me
Funny because I didn’t even know the song was called “Holiday,” but it seems appropriate to write about especially since there are two holidays tomorrow, and one of them has to do with love and hearts and flowers.Or something like that.
We just finished up a sermon/lecture/talk series on relationships called The Boy Girl Thing last night here in Karawaci. We started with part 1 last Friday aimed at college students, and last Saturday was focused on single working adults.Yesterday was part 2 for the college students, with practical steps and principles to keep in mind when pursuing a relationship.Pastor Seth has been doing the talk back in Ann Arbor for the past 12 years, and I have to admit that for the four years of my undergraduate life at Harvest Mission Community Church, his words have gone in one ear and out of the other.Having heard each of the three messages before, I think it’s funny that I needed to come to Indonesia to really appreciate the truth of his words.
Some of you reading this might strongly disagree with the church talking about sex and relationships – but it's our way to discuss how to conduct our lives in a manner that is pleasing to God, and I want to encourage you to check out the sermons once they’re posted at our website as some food for thought.I know that if I had actually grasped some of these principles prior to getting into my various unhealthy relationships in college, I could have saved myself a lot of heartache.
Pastor Seth focused primarily on the concept of counterfeit love in part 1 last Friday, suggesting that, “when the real thing is the real thing, everyone else wants to copy it,” that our impressions of love have been distorted – or fake: “to conceal to make appear more attractive, interesting, valuable.Usually in order to deceive; counterfeit.” As I reflected on my relationships with the opposite sex over the years, I felt very sad in my heart when I grasped the epiphany that counterfeit love is much of what I have ever known to give to or receive from guys.I couldn’t accept parts of my heart and my life as they were and expected someone else to accept a me that I wanted to be but wasn’t actually.It has resulted in multiple unhealthy relationships with a foundation based on deception.I’m going to be a nerd and list out some of the principles that Pastor Seth shared upstairs portion of Planet Noodle, our restaurant venue that graciously opened its doors for us and worked with us to give a 20% discount to anyone who joined us for the talk.
1.) Fake love promises closeness but not necessarily commitment
2.)Fake love promises connectedness but not clarity
3.)Fake love promises certainty but lacks the comprehensiveness
4.)Fake love promises completeness but lacks the contentment
As I listened to him dictate those principles, it seemed as if he had outlined the whole course of my most previous relationship from beginning to end. I don’t really feel like elaborating right now, but thinking about these principles brought J.R.R. Tolkien’s words (spoken in deep, languid tones by Cate Blanchett at the beginning of the LOTR movie trilogy – haha) to mind: but they were all of them deceived.
It’s so easy to talk about true love and grasp at it and believe that we’ve found it – particularly in a romantic relationship.But for so many of us, our views of love relationships are so skewed.Because I didn't want people, particularly guys, to know me for who I really was, I defrauded guys into loving something that I was not, and was defrauded by loving the ideas I had of people and not actually the person. In doing so, I realize that I, like many other women, have fed the egos of men - and that in turn, I have defrauded men into feeding my insecurity and need for security, investing into relationships with love that was self-centered and self-serving.I do feel sorry that the other parties have had to endure that, but I am thankful for the experience to learn the hard way that I and so many others have been so deceived.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. I notice that people use 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 or the love passage as a cliché, and I mention it because if we really think about the words, love in its original design is actually manifested as a distortion just because we are sinful and broken people.
Fortunately, there is truth and an alternative to counterfeit love: This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers. 1 John 3:16
A sinless man, the Son of God, who created and is love, seeing the sordidness of our souls – when most people would walk away at such vileness and brokenness, he took it upon himself.
While visiting a national school recently, I got to observe a chapel where the children sang the chorus to this song by Avalon:
We are the reason that he gave his life
We are the reason that he suffered and died
To a world that was lost, he gave all he could give
To show us the reason to live
It brought tears to my eyes, especially thinking of how I have defrauded people and been defrauded by counterfeit love - but that Jesus could still love somebody like that, that Jesus could still love me. He makes my heart new, and as I learn to accept this more and more everyday, I feel more free of the baggage from the past.
To wrap it all up, I wrote this because my heart breaks for people who experience the distortion of love in all of its forms. And also, no, I won’t be pining away as a single woman who isn’t getting any younger tomorrow.I will be spending the holidays with teammates who have become my family, and with the Lover of my Soul – Jesus, my Holiday. I hope that others of you, singles especially, can experience the same.
