dua puluh empat: twenty-four

Afraid I don't have time to write the million things running around in my head regarding the closing of the Lebaran season coinciding with a new year of my life. But, courtesy of our neighbor Yumiko: pixelated and post-karaoke on Saturday night should suffice for at least 1,000 of the words I intend to write at some point...

L-R: Yumiko, Anita, yours truly, Frency, Irene

And for those of you who thought of me, thanks for remembering me on my special day.

nasi gila [crazy rice] and other adventures...

::I wrote this two days ago, and since then I have gone paintballing for the first time in my life, in a jungle scene from out of a movie (!) and went today to the infamous Mangga Dua shopping center, the craziest set of shopping malls I have ever seen (e.g. small stalls with people vending their cheap wares like crazy, people everywhere bargaining for these things, and personal space = non-existent). I'll write about that adventure for sure next time...::

My cousin Marie says that her favorite blog entries are the ones that cover the happenings of the day. I love these too, but many times I feel compelled to write about more than just the mundane – even though the every day details are the things that everyone can identify with easiest and best. I have to agree with my roommate Ruth from a previous blog entry of hers that everyday has been different and extraordinary in its own way. Yesterday, as we are still on holiday, was no exception.

::A brief overview of yesterday:: Shortly after writing my last post and having spent the morning portion of the day with my roommate Rachel, I left Times Bookstore to join Ruth at home for a session of yogalates (or yoga + pilates). Exercise is extremely necessary here, as half of us are employed in sedentary desk jobs that require little physical activity, other than typing – yet cheap and delicious food is in abundance everywhere we turn! (We actually look quite hilarious while trying to imitate the instructor, flailing and struggling as we balance precariously over our beach towels – also known as yoga mats!)

After yogalates and just before leaving for a life group hangout in Jakarta, Sarah, Irene, and I had our first jam session in the living room. For those of you who don’t know, my roommate Sarah has perfect pitch and can play the guitar without having to rely on chord charts. Irene, known affectionately as a “Diva” to those who know her well, sings on our worship team (which consists currently of John on guitar and Rachel on keys). Sarah is also teaching Irene tambourine and the shaker, so that Irene can also contribute percussion to our Sunday Celebration worship. Irene got to practice yesterday while the three of us sang together, in three-part harmony (!) It was such a joy to sing and worship with my roommates, since I have never had more than one roommate, and I have never jammed with roomies to this point in my life.

And singing for me is yet another thing where I am still trying to find my voice. It’s something I’ve loved to do since I was little – in the shower of course, because the water was loud enough to drown me out. And when I was by myself, because I loved to do it so much but was so afraid of what others would think. I was horrified at the thought of rejection, hence keeping it to myself all of these years. At one point while the three of us were singing, I felt like the song in my heart was like a caged bird, the beating of my heart being the wings fluttering, trying to get out…and the only way to let it out was to let whatever came out of my mouth be a worship for God. And regardless of how I sound, that impromptu worship session was beautiful. And I am glad that there is still some time for many more.

After wrapping up our jam session, the three of us rushed downstairs to meet Rachel and our new friend Sassha to drive to Jakarta to meet members of our life group there for dinner and bowling! We adore bowling in Ann Arbor, especially the $1.00 bowling nights. Here in Jakarta, it cost Rp. 75,000 – approximately $7.50 USD – for two games and shoes. A pretty penny for people with Indonesian salaries! Our new friends from the Universitas Pelita Harapan volleyball team joined us. We met them because Ruth and Sarah and John were brave enough to go after work to the UPH gym next door and ask to play with the volleyball team. Since they invest much of their energy to volleyball, bowling didn’t come so naturally to some of them initially, but we were amazed to see how quickly they learned. Lots of cheering going on in lanes 9-12 yesterday at the bowling alley, as each team competed for the highest score.

I thought that bowling was going to be the highlight of the night, and then our new friend Edwin (the cousin of Joanna and Louisa Halim, Michigan alumnae ’05 and ’04 respectively) said, “I want to introduce you guys to nasi gila,” [literal translation: “crazy rice."] You can imagine the thought that was going through all of our heads, and was eventually said out loud: “What is crazy rice?” Edwin grinned mischievously and said, “you’ll see…” John asked, “Wait…is it crazy because of what’s in it, or is it crazy because of what we will experience tomorrow after eating it?” Joanna smiled and said, “Both.”

John had asked the question because Jakarta is known for its cuisine, “Street Food.” This savory fare is prepared, cooked, and served on the streets of Jakarta from stalls on wheels known as kaki lima or five feet. Here is a description from Culture Shock: Jakarta: “The cheapest, and arguably the most authentic Indonesian food, is that sold by the kaki lima. These are five-legged, two-wheeler, mobile restaurants – meals on wheels – which hawk their wares day and night, albeit by a schedule...The kaki lima washing up facilities are never very advanced, limited usually to a bucket and any running water there happens to be nearby. Supplying your own plate and watching the food cooked with your own eyes should dispel any fears you may have about hygiene.” (230)

I was going to post pictures from my roommate Ruth’s camera, but unfortunately I haven’t gotten a chance to get them from here. You’ll just have to imagine the everythingness that was nasi gila: chicken, sausage, mystery meat, eggs, and whatever else have you (we were in the dark, so we couldn’t quite see everything) piled over white rice. We learned from a missionary friend of Rachel’s father this simple yet powerful concept a couple of weeks ago: “If you don’t know what it is, don’t ask – just eat it!” It was interesting to see our venue - some dingy plastic chairs and stools, imitation wood fold up tables, and a bright light with nyamuk [mosquitos] dancing illuminated (and subsequently biting every bit of exposed flesh on yours truly et. al) - with the kaki lima, juxtaposed with the houses of diplomats and ambassadors on Jalan Thamrin. The mixture I couldn’t quite see was definitely delicious (and I definitely ran to the refrigerator once we got home last night and gulped down a probiotic drink to combat any of the bacteria that my body might not agree with)… a welcome spontaneous adventure!

In summary, I got to spend quality time with each one of my roommates yesterday while doing things that I love; got to know people in our life group better while experiencing the enjoyment part of LIFE (love, investment, faith, enjoyment) Group...and I mentioned all of that because just like the nasi gila, the day was a mixture of everything! Thanks for reading!

regarding time, or more ramblings from Times

I'm sitting opposite my roommate Rachel, who is staring intently at her computer - probably wedding planning and thinking about a million other things on her to-do list. We are at a cafe called the Imperial Cakery, located on the second floor of Times Bookstore - a fusion of Borders and Barnes & Noble for bookstore lovers.

It is Lebaran, the end of the Ramadhan season when Indonesian Muslims pulang[return home] to their hometowns and villages to celebrate the buka puasa [breaking fast] with their families and loved ones. I have to say, between getting settled in to a new home and country and working 8:30 am - 4:30 pm (we went home earlier for the month of September during Ramadhan, due to truncated lunch times) and life group on Tuesdays and Wednesdays after work, and spending other days meeting up with our new LCGs (life change group) and team meetings and preparing for Sunday Celebrations...the break is much needed and much appreciated. During the time of fasting, my teammates and I committed to fasting during the bulan puasa [fasting month].

Overall, the women of 6F (e.g., my roommates and I) - with individual modifications - kept our fasting like that of the Muslims: fast during the daylight hours, and break fast at sundown. My colleague Asnal from Human Resources, a devout Muslim, was sharing with me one day that they fast to purge themselves of their dosa, or sins. I shared with him that Christians fast not only to remind ourselves that yes, we are sinful and need to repent daily, but also so that when hunger pangs arrive, we can challenge ourselves to think, "Do I need God more than I need food?" While I have to admit that those were not always my thoughts whenever the hunger pangs came, I have to say that God was doing a great work of surfacing things in my heart during the fasting season...I mentioned this vaguely in an earlier post, and I will continue to be vague. Suffice to say that it has been painful to face some of the hurtful words and memories and experiences - these root causes of things that have shaped who I have become, but freeing at the same time. And on the brink of turning a year wiser, I realize that I can make decisions to not continue in these ways of thinking, in these patterns that are harmful to me and those I love. And now I am rambling...

There was a sign for a writing competition in the window of Times the week we moved into our apartments, which are located a stones throw away from this bookstore. I think the topic was "Time is a powerful concept. How will you use it?" I'll be honest and say that I wanted to win that competition when I found out about it...but unfortunately, even though I spent hours free associating, my creative juices were not flowing in the way that I could come up with anything substantial to submit since I found out about it very last minute. I'm still not even really sure what I would have written about...

But I mention that because during this holiday break, I have been reflecting on where I was a year ago. A year ago, I was in Kalamazoo feeling sorry for myself, feeling inadequate and without enough work experience to find a job in an economy where more jobs were being lost every day...feeling envious of friends who had gotten their big breaks with jobs and future plans, all prior to graduation - and that's all well and good. By envious, I actually mean proud and happy...but really, I did feel like God had forgotten me and the waiting and the monotony of waiting were driving me crazy. I was trying to get back to Ann Arbor, "for ministry," I said so optimistically...when really, I didn't have a clue - and still don't many times here in Indonesia.

I remember praying one day at the end of August last year, "Lord, I just want a job...I will go anywhere, do anything, whenever you want me to do it..." and I got a call for an interview with the Tax & Accounting business of Thomson Reuters. It's funny because I really thought that it was for a job, that happened to end nine months later, which would give me the opportunity to come to this place. I had only ever seen Times in a picture, and I never dreamed that I would be living next door to it, and reflecting from it. I never realized that when I prayed that prayer out of desperation, that Ann Arbor was not the only place that God had in mind for me...but his plans reached so much further. And even though I am in Indonesia writing this, they still reach even further than this.

I can't believe that a year ago, I felt so discouraged without a job and without direction...and now that I am here, I can't even count the number of days on my hand when I didn't know what to do with my time (actually, last night was a first...since we didn't have work, we had a roomies day and wandered around the mall, cleaned, and watched a Korean movie "My Son" that evening that had all of us crying buckets and finished around 9:30 pm - and still so early, what to do?!)

The in-between times and the times of waiting are precious. And now that I have more than I wanted - a workplace that I love, a church I am learning to love more and more every day - I am humbled by God's faithfulness, and humbled to think that I should need proof like this that God was still thinking about me and loves me. So this was a lot less factual (And I wish it were more...I never really know what to write about sometimes but I trust that some of you can fill in the details with entries from my roommates/teammates), a lot more rambly (such as I am)...I challenge you if you are in an in-between time to trust in God and his faithfulness. In the meantime, I will try and come up with more factual sharings to post for next time...

Sampai nanti! [Until later!]

worship in the workplace

It started with the library chats. We have a library here at Pt. Yonasindo Intra Pratama (called the Self Access Center, and I think it deserves a post entirely to itself. That later, only because I am still working on it…) I visit the library during lunch or istirahat [rest time] since it is Ramadan now and a majority of the people here are fasting rather than eating. The TKW who work in the library speak English very well, as a result of their previous overseas working experiences in Singapore. From my initial conversations with these women, I found out that they were twenty-somethings like my roommates working here at Yonasindo and me. I decided to keep returning to the library after one woman shared openly about her life the second time I ever saw her. I feel a sense of utility by being a listening ear, a sense of honor that they would share their life experiences with me so vulnerably and honestly, and challenged to be as genuine as they are with me.

My first librarian friend Urfa flew to Hong Kong a couple of weeks ago. A cheerful and tiny face framed by black hair cropped close to her head, she was a welcome sight at noon every day. She and her friend Ika were the first to confide in me their frustrations and heartaches, even sharing that they felt they couldn’t trust anyone else but each other, that the other women tell their secrets, and that at night they cry about any hurts from wounds past and current. As they shared, my past heartaches seemed trivial in comparison and I realized that I had nothing to offer them. Experience, maybe. Empathy and sympathy, sure – but these things do not heal broken hearts.

What I could offer was to introduce these women and others like them to a wounded Healer. And I was able to do it with the aid of a new friend from Universitas Pelita Harapan (the university right next door to Kondominium Golf Karawaci – also known as home) whose father works for the Gideon Society. The Gideons are people who provide free New Testaments to anyone who wants one, because they believe that the Word of God is “living and active, sharper than any two edged sword,” and that what they have experienced as a result of reading the Bible is something that they want to share with anyone who wants it. At my request, my new friend got me some Bahasa Indonesia/English New Testaments for me. I wanted to put these in the library because the New Testament is also known as the Injil in Islam and I knew that my new friends would be open to reading something familiar to them from their own religion. Ika had borrowed from the library How to Heal a Broken Heart in 30 Days, and even though I am sure the author of that book had good intentions, I am not sure that all heartache can heal in that period of time. I was able to give her a New Testament/Injil before she flew to Hong Kong last Thursday. Please pray that as she reads it, that she can experience for herself healing and transformation in her heart!

Miss Santi in administration from our Training Department saw the New Testaments sitting on my desk last week, and asked for one. We had a conversation about a month over lunch one day about her religious background. She said that she and her husband were Catholic, but didn’t elaborate much after that so I was surprised that she was interested in a New Testament. She shared with me that she used to meet with some of the Christian TKW and worship and pray together, but they stopped because all of them had already flown to new locations. She said that there were some here, but they hadn’t met together in a while – and could she speak with the head of Human Resources and Training and organize a meeting for Friday?

I didn’t think she was serious until I was sitting in the library on Thursday, where my new librarian friend Daisy said out of the blue, “I will join you tomorrow for your Bible study.” I was surprised because Daisy is Muslim, but had said to me last Wednesday as she was closing the library, “Can you keep a secret? ... I want to learn about Jesus, from my heart.” I like to think that I am generally good at keeping secrets but I decided to share this one so that you can pray that Daisy can have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, and that she can see that he is and is a rewarder of those who diligently seek him.

Regarding the Friday meeting that ended up happening, I don’t know what I was thinking in terms of what I ever had to offer to people, especially when it comes to ministry. Maybe I was thinking that it was my knowledge of lyrics for worship songs that we sing every Sunday, or what I have been learning during my endeavor to read through the Bible in a year, or even all of these years of knowing how to go to church and more recently, the things I have been learning by being a part of this church plant.

We met in the nurse’s room, where the TKW learn about elderly care and infant care there. The room had the blinds drawn, so it was fairly dark, with enough sunlight streaming in for us to see our surroundings and each other. On entering the room, there was a queen-sized bed with a faded green and yellow coverlet to the left, and shelves laden with worn children’s toys to the right. In the middle of the room was a foam puzzle mat, with the letters of the alphabet on each puzzle piece – kind of like the one we have in the Building Blocks room back in Ann Arbor. The faded colors and floor peering through the spaces where various letters used to be was the backdrop for our song sheets, with three songs written in Bahasa Indonesia. I had never heard the melodies before, and I did not understand half of the words.

There were eight TKW, two women from Training, one woman from Accounting, and my three roommates and I, all sitting in a circle on and around the foam mat. We didn’t have a guitar, and no accompaniment…just women’s voices singing earnestly to their King and Lover of our souls. Even though I didn’t understand the words, through the simple and earnest worship, I could feel the Holy Spirit in our midst. We studied Matthew 6:25-34, the “Do Not Worry” passage, with verse 25 opening with, “Do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink or what you will wear…” addressing how we become anxious about so many things in our lives, and emphasizing from verse 32 that “your heavenly Father knows that you need them,” or the things that we worry about. I knew that this passage was particularly significant for these women, who have opted into a life of domestic work [servitude] because they worry about money, their personal safety when they go overseas (with reason), and their future. When we entered into a time of prayer, Miss Santi prayed for us, and her voice tremored. My roommate Irene grabbed my hand as we were praying, and I gripped hers as I listened with my eyes closed to the other women crying quietly in agreement with Miss Santi’s sincere supplication.

I thought to myself the whole time, from the start of the gathering to when I was walking back to my desk that I have never been in a financial circumstance in my life where Jesus was all I had. Even when things or people have been taken away from me, I have always had other things to distract me – school, work, family, a house, a room full of things that I don’t need. I was humbled to hear these women crying when we prayed to Jesus, because even if they may have their families and their homes, many of them are going to work overseas because they don’t have the means to support themselves through work here. Living here in the compound, the women cannot leave in general – attending a church service on a Sunday included. But we didn’t have to leave in order to have church that day; we were the Church.

Afterwards, Miss Santi fed all of us with delicious lo mein looking noodles cooked by her husband. It was a joy to fellowship with the TKW, and even to surprise them by serving them (!), and try as we might in our broken Bahasa Indonesia to learn more about them and why they came here to Pt. Yonasindo. As I was leaving the nursing room to return to my desk, Miss Zara stopped me and made sure to ask if I believed that Jesus died on the cross to pay the penalty for my sin and then rose again to conquer it. Elvy from Accounting translated for me, and I just remember looking over at Miss Zara: a tiny elderly Chinese Indonesian woman clad in a periwinkle blue nursing dress, with a serious look on her face – serious because she cared about whether or not I believed in Jesus Christ with my heart. I laughed and assured her that I did and then it got me thinking...

It’s our heart to encourage these women to love one another, as Christ loved us, by laying his life down for us. And then to love their neighbors, the other TKW and office staff, as themselves – even though these women may be seen as lowly in the eyes of the office staff, and their future employers as they go out into the world from this place, for example. Encouraging them to ask the same kinds of questions that Miss Zara asked me, and encouraging others to experience a personal relationship with Christ. There’s no workplace in the world I’d rather be right now, and I thank you for reading all of this if you did, and please believe with us that “he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus,” (Philippians 1:6) here at Pt. Yonasindo Intra Pratama.

ramblings from the heart

How are things going, you ask? For starters, we have been meeting in LIFE Groups with working single adults and married couples in Jakarta on Tuesdays at 7:00 pm and students from Universitas Pelita Harapan in Karawaci on Wednesdays at 6:30 pm. LIFE stands for a life of love, a life of investment into others, a life of faith, and a life of enjoyment. It has been so encouraging to see the people that God has allowed us to cross paths with, and despite meeting after a hard day’s work, I find that I have come out of each gathering so refreshed.

Last week, we had our Preview Sunday Celebration (in which our team was able to experience working out the many kinks involved with starting a church plant!) Pastor Seth preached on recognizing the condition of our hearts – that God always initiates things, that he doesn’t need us to do his work; but rather, we have the privilege of letting him use us as his vessels. I am realizing that you cannot give what you do not have – only what you do have (thank you for the latter part of that statement, Captain Obvious…) But I say it because it’s true.

I have actually been writing a lot since arriving here in Indonesia almost all of two months ago – but I have been hesitant to post anything because I feel like I am still finding my voice. While I haven’t yet been to the beach in Ancol, North Jakarta, I have been diving into the depths of my heart, and slowly mustering up the courage to recognize my true condition – rather than thinking of everything here in “blog mode” (which has been a tendency in my new surroundings) and edit and edit and edit myself until I think it’s presentable for the world to read…I have a lot of scabs on my heart, from old wounds from years ago. I thought everything was okay with the passing of time, and I am seeing how these things have affected how I treat people. I treat them how I anticipate being treated by others, some who have wounded me to the heart – whether intentionally or unintentionally. And because of these scars and scabs, I have wounded other people over the years – and have built up walls around my heart, and parade around with facades of things like intelligence, courage, and strength to protect me from further wounds…

For some reason, being away from where I was, it is easier to be honest with myself about who I really am: intelligence is my security, because I am afraid of the consequences of not being a good problem solver, of not understanding how things really work; courage – for things like killing cockroaches that somehow find their way up through the tiny slats in our kitchen sink drain – is actually fostered out of my fear of looking weak; and I fear looking weak because then I am vulnerable to attack and to what others think of me, regardless of whether these things are positive or negative.

I divulge these contemplations because the contrivance of my heart is all I have had to offer, to anyone, for such a long time. I used to be so afraid of coming to this place, even though I believed with my heart that it was God’s plan for my life, because of things like the 17 July bombings in Central Jakarta and the earthquake that registered 7.3 on the Richter scale a couple of days ago (which had me questioning my sense of balance - or was it the coffee that I have become so dependent on, and am currently drinking now?) And now that I am here, I recall these verses from Psalm 18 that I discovered when my senior year LIFE Group read them aloud together:

“They confronted me in the day of disaster, but the Lord was my support. He brought me out into a spacious place; he rescued me because he delighted in me.” (Psalm 18:18-19)
For this season in my life, Indonesia is my spacious place. When I think about the condition of my heart over all of these years – experiencing hurt, and then inflicting it on others around me, I realize how difficult I have been to love…and how thankful I am for a God who loves me just as I am, no facades required. It is because of this love that I am here, with my teammates who have also experienced the love of God powerfully, and want to share it with others who have not yet experienced it. This is a place to be honest with myself, and a place to heal.

From the previous thoughts, you see the brokenness and imperfections of my heart – and you can multiply that by the 12 other people on our team! In light of these things, please keep the Jakarta Team in prayer, as we are preparing for our Inaugural Service on Sunday, September 6, 2009, to be held at Sekolah Pelita Harapan at 10:30 am. To address the things that have been surfacing in my heart since arriving here, I praise God that he works in ways counterintuitive to my understanding: “But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong.” (1 Corinthians 1:27) I think we’ve all adjusted fairly well within two months, but still looking foolish as we navigate cultural cues and differences. And even though we’re a team of 13, we are weak because we lack in people power for the time being - but I know that God can do so much with little, like feeding 5,000 people with five loaves of bread and two fish, and still having leftovers! We give what we have, as I mentioned earlier - and you can pray with us that all that we have to offer to them is not our wisdom, nor mere experience, nor strength, but Christ. Please pray that through this church plant, people can come to experience transformation in their hearts through the powerful and perfect love of God in their lives.

Thank you for reading…it’s been rather overwhelming trying to think of what exactly to post here. I want to post everything! From my thoughts on the human resources management industry (which here in Southeast Asia is widely connoted with “human trafficking” – but I assure you, my company is legit, e.g. not human trafficking, and I will share the sheets and sheets I have written on that topic later!) to my favorite foods here, (the quality, and price – so cheap by USD standards! and I am positive that my spicy tolerance will have increased a million fold by the time I return) I miss you all and owe so many of you well thought out e-mail responses. You can imagine that between two life groups and working life that it’s rather overwhelming to think about things that are outside of my current surroundings. Still adjusting, and it’s been absolutely wonderful to be here because it’s exactly where God wants me to be.